Fans of the mid 1980s rejoice because this week’s Cougar Town celebrates (fears?) the Children of the Corn and Lou Diamond Phillips!

Cougar Town Title Card: We should have live cougars on Cougar Town

Turns out there are some residents on the Cul de Sac we haven’t met before – primarily three small home schooled children who resemble the Children of the Corn (I like to call them the children of the cul de sac). Grayson saw them and freaked out, which Ellie thought was funny until she saw them too. Those kids are freaky! They like to go around the neighborhood and draw with chalk on other people’s driveways. When Grayson tries to wash away the drawing with the hose, creepy neighbor Tom tells Ellie and Grayson horror stories of how those kids scared him and his wife. Next day: a new drawing with Grayson and Ellie…. on fire. (I know it’s just a show, and we are looking for a comedy angle, but OMG – go and tell the mother she is raising serial killers!!) Together, Ellie, Grayson and Tom decide it is time to stand up to these little monsters and the next time they kids approach they are going to put on their scary faces. Grayson goes with Vincent D’Onfrio in Full Metal Jacket, Ellie does Helen Bonham Carter in anything and Tom, well, Tom just puts on his thinking face! They win as the kids run home crying! And bonus for Tom, he gets invited in for coffee. Awww…

While giving a lesson to Smith’s dad, Roger (Barry Bostwick), Bobby talks about the Penny Can business with Laurie and Andy. BTW – Bobby’s technique to get Roger to hit the ball harder: picture Laurie’s face after she says she is going to trick Smith into putting a baby in her belly. Fabulous! Roger thinks the game is stupid, until he plays it, of course! Then he decides he wants to buy it and invites the three to a business meeting. When they start the meeting, the three discover Roger doesn’t want to sell Bobby Cobb’s Penny Can, he wants to sell Lou Diamond Phillips Penny Can – it has lights, moves, and voice interaction recorded by LDP himself! And it has new rules! Boo. Andy and Laurie are for it – Andy because $20,000 each plus a piece of the profits is a good deal and Laurie because she thinks LDP is hot. Priorities. Bobby thinks it is selling out. However, he signs he papers, because he is out voted and gets upset with Andy and Laurie. In the end he is cool with it because he can now afford to move off the boat and get an apartment, the inside of the can says “invented by Bobby Cobb,” and the can can climb up walls! Look at Bobby, growing up. Kinda…

Not growing up: Travis. He is still sitting in the dark room. Alone and depressed. He says he isn’t missing any college because they are on spring break, and Bobby and Jules apparently unable to look up the school calendar online, believe him. Travis agrees to go back on monday, but his plans on foiled when his room mate, Tinker, I mean Kevin (I miss you, FNL) comes and tells Jules that Travis has missed weeks of school! Ruh-roh. Realizing she has been babying her son (ya’ think?) Jules decides to show some tough love and tells Travis he either needs to go back to school or get out and get a job. But Travis pulls out his pouty face and convinces Jules to spend a day together on the beach and then watching movies in bed. It gets really creepy. When she wakes up Travis is gone and she realizes she is still just letting him walk all over her. So Jules finally goes full tough love and tells Travis that FOR REAL – in the morning he has to get out of her house. And when she wakes up, he is gone…. problem is, no one told Bobby this is the plan. He let Travis move onto the boat. Sigh…..

Cougar Town Quotes:

Bobby: We’re adults!

Roger (Smith’s Dad): I can’t believe you guys are still wasting your time talking about that game. You might as well just throw your money in a hole.
Laurie: Actually, that is the game.
Roger: Well that is ridiculous.
(Cue them having him play the game)
Bobby, Laurie and Andy: PENNY CAN!
Roger: My company needs to buy this!

Travis: I just need a break. You remember when I was little and you’d come to school and lie about some aunt or uncle dying and then we’d go to the beach?
Jules: Oh sweetie… those people actually died.
Travis: How come we didn’t go to the funerals?
Jules: Because they’re so depressing!
Travis: Solid parenting.

Bobby: I hate it when big business gets their hooks into something.

Lou Diamond Phillips: Look at Young Guns 2. It’s like hey let’s take everything awesome about the first one and puke Jon Bon Jovi over it. Travesty.

Jules: You spend a night like that with someone, you think it means something.
Grayson: Me?
Ellie: Travis.
Grayson: Good… I think?

Andy (to Bobby): That check gets you off of the boat and into an apartment. It’s the fresh start I dreamed about for us….. for you.

Fun Stuff:

  • Jules liked to Vogue on top of a car during spring break. (The cop that tried to stop her got punched)
  • New Penny Can Rules:
  1. Three in a row on Penny Can means you say “Penny Can” like a robot
  2. A rim shot means you flick someone in the ear
  3. If the penny spins, you end up in the middle of a face sandwich (two other squish their face on either side of yours. adorable)
  • Laurie flirting with Lou Diamond Phillips
  • Estevez Festevez!
  • Jules gets one-night standed by Travis. (More gross than fun, I suppose)
  • Grayson’s Travis impersonation (what it leads to was also gross. Seriously)

Next Week: The two hour Hawaii vacation finale! I can’t wait! I hear we get a Hawaii version of Big Carl. And some more movement on the “Grayson wants kids and Jules doesn’t” front.

Written by Melissa Miller. Find her on Twitter @serrae

Read Small Screen Scoop every day – the children of the cul de sac demand it.

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