It’s not exactly a bucket list, but it’s a list of importance! Conan O’Brien has big plans for his post-NBC life.

“Introduce myself to my children. Connect all my freckles with a Sharpie. Play Beatles Rock Band until I reach ‘Level Yoko.’ Make a cameo appearance on Gossip Girl as Blaine Wilcox, a mysterious albino playboy. Legally change my name to ‘No-Show Jones.’ Finally make good on my plan to backpack through India with The Situation. Return La Bamba to the kindly old carpenter who made him. Have my ‘TONIGHT SHOW FOREVER’ tattoo changed to ‘OH, SHOW OVER?'”

Not to mention… “Make a big move to Fox. Megan Fox.”