Charlie Sheen is at war with the world. So what are the words of this “leader”? Let’s take a look.

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On if he sleeps: “The nights I don’t sleep it’s because there’s a higher calling telling me to stand guard.” – to Howard Stern

On himself: “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.” – to the Today Show

On his mission: “I have to right this unconscionable wrong. Many people are suffering. And I’m the only guy who can affect the change.” – Charlie Sheen Quote to Howard Stern

On drugs: “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” – to 20/20

On being with porn stars: “Wow. Well, listen to that statement. Look at what they do. Look what I do. It’s like, ‘Duh.’ […] They’re the best at what they do. I’m the best at what I do. It’s like, ‘Duh.’ Sorry, Middle America. I said it.” – to 20/20

What tiger blood means: “It’s a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins. When it comes to getting focused and delivering things in a  way…” – to Howard Stern

On if he owns guns: “No. Not anymore. They took them all away. …That’s another subject.” – Charlie to Howard Stern

On “the goddesses”: “I’m entertained as hell. I’m not saying that it’s not true, but I’m saying I’m laughing. And I’m laughing with the goddesses; I’m laughing with my friends.” – to The Today Show

On drugs, again: “The last time I took drugs I probably took more that anyone could survive. I was banging seven gram rocks because that’s how I roll, I have one speed, go. I have a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart. I got tiger blood man.” – to 20/20

About Chuck Lorre: “It was a fake friendship. I never felt respected in a way that I should have been. … I showed up and this dude won the lottery. And so I always felt like, ‘Why am I being treated like an unwelcome relative and being given cold coffee at, like 8 PM in the middle of the fourth inning?'” – to the Today Show

On being with the porn stars: “I’m gonna say this. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.” – to 20/20

On the porn stars: “You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.” – to the Today Show

On being grandiose: “Don’t be worried, don’t be worried. I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?” – to the Today Show

“I did that because they work … change the way you see things and change the way you feel. And yeah, when you’re a little bit bored with the redundancy of certain aspects of your life, yeah, I think that’s why people do them.” – to Howard Stern

On..who knows: “What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.” – to 20/20

On Denise Richards: “Awesome. Awesome. Top Gun rockstar. Awesome.” – to 20/20

On himself: “I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest,” he said. “I’m extremely old-fashioned. I’m a nobleman. I’m chivalrous.” – to the Today Show

On his home rehab: “Well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management centre that we labelled the Sober Valley Lodge. … its primary client achieved radical success.” – to the Today Show

On Mel Gibson, who called him: “He’s a rockstar.” – to Howard Stern

On Ambien: “Ambien. Hello. Ambien. Hello. The devil’s aspirin? That was the one thing in New York that was not part of my normal blend.” – to 20/20

On the movie Apocalypse, which he watches almost nonstop: “I think it’s a magical odyssey.” – to Howard Sheen

On learning Two and a Half Men was canceled: “I was disappointed. I think people misinterpret my passion for anger.” – to The Today Show

On addiction: “I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.” – to the Today Show

On himself: “I healed in like two days.” – to Howard Stern

Listen to Charlie on Howard Stern 1, part 2, part 3. Charlie Sheen TwitPic.