Jordan is the new "Big Brother" HOH

Jordan is the new "Big Brother" HOH

Tune in here for a “Big Brother” live blog at 9 pm/8 pm central. Watch all the Chima drama unfold, plus the new Head of Household competition and nominations. I’ll be bringing you all the dirt, plus some snarky-snark about the incidents. Also, feel free to leave comments. We love hearing your opinions about the “Big Brother” happenings.

Follow all the drama live on the Big Brother live feeds

Alright gang, here we are. Time for the Chima to hit the fan. I haven’t been this excited for a “Big Brother” episode since… well, since last Thursday when we all thought Jeff would use the Coup d’Etat. But before that, not for a long time.

We relive the Coup d’Etat and Natalie/Lydia/Chima being alternately “sour grapes” and “OHMYGOD, THEY KILLED JESSIE! YOU BASTARDS!” Gag me. You know, I can’t believe how far the show is behind the live feeds. But I supposed instead of doing a double elimination Thursday, they’ll just do POV, then the POV ceremony, then the live vote then the new HOH competition. It amounts to the same stuff done in real time.

The Fab Four convenes up in the HOH room and talk about the whiny bitches downstairs, Chima in particular. Kevin tries to pep talk the Witches of Eastwick. They’re so mad they got played and that they aren’t the strongest alliance in the house anymore, but it’s like… welcome to “Big Brother,” dummies.

Everybody heads to the backyard to practice on a giant putt-putt thing that everyone assumes is for the next POV competition. Chima is pouting in bed but decides to come out. This is the part they released to us earlier today. Chima won’t put on her microphone and HERE. WE. GO.

After a montage of Chima Defies “Big Brother” Production, we are back to her being a pill in the backyard. Kevin, Lydia and Natalie are bowing to her every whim and being super-nice to her, but then she throws her microphone in the hot tub like a petulant child.

Chima is called to the Diary Room and refuses to go. Allison Grodner, the Executive Producer, gets on the PA system and asks her to come to the Diary Room. Chima goes to the DR and all we hear is Allison saying, “There’s no need to sit down, you’re going to go out this way.”

WHAAAAA? Is that IT? Where’s the crazypants fit? Where’s the yelling and crying and screaming? THAT’S IT?!?!

All of a sudden we’re just back with everybody not knowing what happened to Chima. Allison Grodner calls them all to the living room and explains that Chima broke the show rules (several of them) and they expelled her from the house. Well, it certainly doesn’t look like she quit AT ALL. She may have mentally given up, but she was kicked out.

The Trio of Teardrops are bitching about how this is all Michele’s fault. OH MY GOD. Michele nominating Chima is HOW THE GAME GOES. You can’t just decide someone’s too sensitive to go on the block. YOU GOT PLAYED, you crazypants crackheads. Lydia keeps saying that Chima made this choice, which is 100% true.

Natalie is insisting that they took away her HOH power, which is bullcrap. Once you make nominations, your power is basically gone. Lydia is the only voice of reason in this entire group.

Sorry for ducking out for a minute. I had to do a post about a reality TV finalist wanted in connection with the murder of swimsuit model Jasmine Fiore. Holy crap.

Anyway, all we’re doing right now is the new HOH competition. I love the little golf outfits everybody gets to wear. Lydia gets the HOH key when she goes out first, Natalie gets a Hawaiian vacation, Russell gets a phone call from home, but trades it for Natalie’s vacation (he wants to give it to his parents and she really wants the call home). Kevin wins $5000. Russell is then a bit of a dick to Natalie because she cries at the thought of her phone call. Jeff then draws a spa experience and trades it for Russell’s Hawaiian vacation.  Jordan wins the competition and gets the unitard, then trades it for HOH from Lydia. Lydia is a total bitch to her about it.

And now is the segment called Lydia Loses Her Goddamn Mind. She starts calling Jordan a “ho puppet” and basically just going crazy. Because she’s a child just like Chima and can’t stand that they got played. I don’t care that America handed Jeff the Coup d’Etat. If the other house guests had been more likable, we would’ve voted for them to have it. It’s “Big Brother,” this kind of stuff happens. Suck it up.

Lydia goes around slamming doors and Michele says, “Wear your unitard, bitch!” Michele gettin’ crazy! Lydia then runs through the house and dumps out Michele’s beers. That’ll show her. Lydia then says, “Why don’t you go back to being a scientist no one cares about?” Wow, that’s harsh. A PhD in neuroscience. Man, that hurts.

Jeff now gets into it with Lydia. He’s talking very calmly about how it’s a game and she’s yelling about how he didn’t have to use the Coup d’Etat. OH MY GOD. She is looking like a total petulant child. She then starts threatening Michele, then demands that she and Jeff talk in the DR. She’s clearly drunk and crazy. She goes to the DR, all glassy-eyed and gross.

Jordan gets her HOH room and her mom and sister are just gorgeous, they look just like her. Lydia doesn’t go, though, she just lays in bed and pouts. Jordan’s letter is from her mom. She talks about how her family is moving and she is getting her own room. She had previously been sharing with her mom. Awww, geez.

Jordan holds her nomination ceremony and nominates Natalie and Lydia. We don’t get any footage of Jeff and Jordan getting all paranoid and talking about backdooring Russell. Innnnnteresting.

Thursday should be quite exciting, what with the POV stuff plus the live eviction plus a new HOH competition. I’ll be back here for a live blog, so please join me!