Our favorite show of backstabbing and betrayal is back with the familiar “Welcome to Big Brother” spoken by by our beloved Julie Chen.

As many of you either know or assumed, there would be a twist to start off the season. I mean, it wouldn’t be Big Brother without the show putting their motto, expect the unexpected, to good use.

The first twist we hear about is that 4 Big Brother greats will be returning to coach the new house guests. I’m praying for another season of Jeff because that man is all sorts of fine that I could stare at all day. I’m also hoping we never have to go through another season of Rachel’s extensions and laughter because if I never have to hear her voice again it will be too soon.

Let’s meet the house guests, shall we?

Frank from Florida. Surfer. I don’t remember him mentioning an actual career so I’m going to assume he spends his days surfing and pickin’ up chicks on the beach.

Danielle from Alabama. She seems like a sweet southern girl who has the potential to make the house guests think she is innocent and naive and work her way to the end.

Newlywed Jodi, Kara the model, Joe the chef, Jenn from the heavy metal band Kittie.

Ian, an engineering student who I already can’t stand.

Wil, who describes himself as a southern gay. Has the potential to be one of my favorites.

JoJo, the bartender who wears too much makeup.

Willie, brother of Russell from Survivor. Everyone questions this, considering he looks JUST like Russell, and he continues to deny any relation. This lie is going to make him bite the big one.

Ashley who is a spray tan technician who tries to tell the audience that she’s actually smart.. but I had a very hard time believing that with her comments about life size frogger and the way she was sitting on the mattresses showing her butt cheeks. It’s the first episode Ashley, save that for later.

Shane the house flipper, who I find very sexy.

AND the returning house guests:

BRITNEY. BRITNEY BRITNEY BRITNEY. Britney in the diary room is one of the best things to happen to me. I could not be happier Britney is back for potentially the entire season.

Dan. Winner of BB10. One of the smartest players I’ve ever witnessed.

Janelle from BB 6 and All Stars and Boogie from BB 2 and All Stars.

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Britney’s team includes Shane, Willie and JoJo.

Boogie chooses Frank, Ian and Jenn.

Janelle chooses Wil, Ashley, Joe.

Dan goes with Kara, Danielle and Jodi. Why Dan didn’t choose a man is beyond me. Definitely not a good way to start the season.

The entire competition is the house guests belly flopping on mattresses. Probably not the first time Jojo or Ashley has been flopping on beds if you catch my drift.

Britney’s team wins (YES) and chooses Willie to be HOH. Confused by this decision, but next week we’ll find out what a psychopath Willie probably is.

Dan’s team loses and he sends Jodi home. The worst thing that could happen in the house is being the first person sent home. This season, this happened before the first night was even over. How embarrassing.

This first night was pretty brutal, and I can’t wait to see what other brutality is in store the rest of the season. I hope it means more drama, backstabbing, and fights resembling the one between Ragan and Rachel.

Until the next episode…

Written by Katie Sullivan. Find her on twitter @katiejsully.

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