The first thought that popped into my head was, “Wow, Wil has better hair than I do”. I’m actually jealous of Wil’s seemingly perfect head of hair. How is it that a man can have better hair than many women I know?

But, enough about Wil’s luscious locks. (This probably won’t be the last time I mention it, though. Sorry in advance.)

Now that the introductions are over and the first house guest has exited the competition,  it’s time for game plans and strategy talk. Boogie wants to team up with Dan, a move the entire Big Brother audience saw coming from ten thousand miles away. When Janelle suspects their collaborating, she decides to make a deal with Britney. Obvious game moves are obvious.

Was it intentional that Willie didn’t have any family pictures in his HOH room? I thought it would’ve been hilarious if pictures of Russell were there and he had to explain to the entire house he is a bag full of lies.

Another new twist to BB 14 is the coach of the HOH gets their own suite-like room, adjoined to the HOH room, without a door to separate. I can only imagine what sort of shenanigans can come of this arrangement.

This episode suddenly takes an interesting turn when we find out what a total weirdo Ian is. He is putting a huge target on his back by being Creepy McCreeperson. I just…. don’t understand. He was laying in the weirdest places, spanking his butt, farting, wearing toys on his head.. (Where did he get that frog toy thing anyway?) I have never been so grateful for the TV in the HOH room allowing Janelle, Willie and Britney to watch him stalk around the house.

As any lie started in the BB house can blossom into something uncontrollable, Willie decides to tell a few house guests he is Russell’s brother. I’m sure by next episode the entire house will know, since secrets spread like wildfire.

Side note, it’s hard to focus on what Janelle is saying in the diary room when I feel like a giant boob is going to suffer a nip slip out of her bathing suit.

The audience soon learns the coaches will not be voting during the eviction ceremony and they will be competing in a “Coaches Competition”. If a coach wins the competition, they have the power to grant one player safety for the week and the unlucky folks who are the Have-Nots.

The Coaches Competition involves a Kentucky Derby-like race where two coaches compete at a time. They run around a track that’s covered in a slippery substance trying to rip the tail off their opponent’s horse. I love that Britney does not hide her emotions.. she looks less than pleased to be strapped to a stuffed stallion.

Dan decides to throw the competition and lose on purpose. Again, obvious game moves are OBVIOUS. Dan’s entire strategy in his season was to throw as many competitions as possible. While it worked for him then, he’s now playing for people other than himself and should try a little bit harder.

Boogie wins the competition, not without arrogant remarks, and chooses to keep Ian safe. Ian had already sealed his fate, so it was a smart move.

The coaches now must pick a team member to be a Have-Not for the week. Britney chooses Shane, Dan chooses Danielle, Janelle chooses Ashley, and Boogie picks Ian.

The Have-Not room has psychedelic, swirly black and white walls with metal curved beds with raised rivets. I’d probably end up sleeping on the floor, but at least it’s not that gross room with weird species in jars from a past season.

Willie and Frank had made a deal earlier in the episode that they would keep each other safe for a week. Willie already goes back on his word and puts up Frank. Dan’s competition throwing move backfires when Kara, a member on his team, is also put up on the block.

Shane still looks realllly good.

Written by Katie Sullivan. Find her on twitter @katiejsully.

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