Best ‘Parks and Recreation’ Quotes from 93 Meetings

Parks and Recreation Quotes from 93 Meetings

Leslie: “For realsies?”

Leslie: “If I just summed it up in one word it would be… [indiscernible noises] aaaaoooeeeeuuuwww.”

April: “Whenever someone wants a meeting with you I always schedule it for March 31st, because I didn’t think March 31’st existed.”

Ron: “So how many meetings do I have today?”
April: “93.”

Leslie: “Fortunately, there were two survivors. Unfortunately, there were horses.”

Leslie: “Tom, go get the car.” [Throws keys at his body in a frantic rush]
Tom: “Oww, don’t throw things at me!”

Leslie: “There is an emergency. Someone is trying to alter a gazebo.”

April: “Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.”

Tom: “Ugh, pre-zit. Do you have any brown concealer?”

Tom: “I need to spend a minute in my cologne cloud.”

Ron: “Just sit there, and don’t ruin the city.”

Andy: “I was in third grade when April was born. That means I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. …Oh my God, I could have killed her!”

Old man: “Tell me straight. Are you one of the Chinese?”
Tom: “No, I’m an Indian.”

Tom: “Yea, Jessica’s a gold digger. But I’m a gold digger, digger.”

Leslie: “Next thing you know they’ll be painting the White House…not white! I’m so angry I can’t think of another color. … Green!”

April: “I’m afraid that Ron Swanson is currently…dead. I’m his daughter. April Swanson. And it is his last wish that I have this meeting with you.”

Leslie: “One hundred years ago an interracial couple was married here and then slaughtered by their own families. This is a beautiful part of history.”

Leslie: “Your husband is a mushy ol’ pile of rot.”

Ron: “April was supposed to be the moat that kept the citizen barbarians away from the Swanson castle…. instead, she blew up the Castle….”

Leslie: “Crap on the cob.”

Tom: “No offense, but I think the normal grieving time for gazebo destruction has passed.”

Leslie: “May all your future gazebo’s live long and prosper.”

April: “Well I don’t want to come back. The end.”