When people ask why I love Cougar Town so much, I yell at them, because the question probably means they aren’t watching. What is wrong with these people? But once I calm down, I usually answer with: it is loving and quirky and insane. Just like Scrubs. And this week’s episode, “Lover’s Touch” is full of those quirky and insane quotes that make me giggle on a weekly basis.

Here are just a few of some of my favorite Cougar Town quotes from this week’s episode, “Lover’s Touch.”

Bobby: Oh this is just our new game. When someone’s not looking we peg them with this ball, thus establishing dominance. We call it dominance ball.
Laurie: If anyone hits me with the ball… it will end up inside of them.
Bobby: Don’t worry! D-Ball’s just for dudes.
Laurie: Nothing’s just for dudes anymore. Not Nascar. Not Cigars. Not even peeings standing up.
Andy: How’d we lose that?

Grayson: She’s just distracted by wedding stuff. No woman can ignore The Truth.
Andy: Did you just call your body The Truth?
Grayson: I did. And I did it un-ironically.

Tom: Hey Jules, Travis will probably still need a follow up CAT scan.
Ellie: Hey Tom. It’s sweet you came, but why don’t you leave the medical stuff to the doctors?
Tom: I am a doctor. I’m the head neuro surgeon here. Come on, you didn’t know I was a doctor?
Everyone: Yeah, uh huh, sure.
PA System: Doctor Gazelian, to the ER.
Jules: Oh, well, Tom. Don’t walk away angry.
Tom: They just paged me. Do you people not even know my last name?
Jules: Of course we know your last name.
Tom: They say it. They just said it on the intercom two seconds ago.
Ellie: Who cares?
Laurie: Galifinakas?
Andy: Gabba Gabba Hey?
Booby: Gazoo?
Jules: Gazoinks?
Tom: You think my name is Tom Gazoinks?

Jules: You have an awesome story! You have a fractured skull! Girls are going to think you are a total badass.
Ellie: That’s true. Back in college I was a sucker for injuries.If a guy had a scar or a missing finger, we just did stuff. I miss being a ho.
Laurie: You want back in, because we’ll take you back.
Travis: Yeah, I’m sure panties will drop when girls find out I was being pulled by my dog on a skateboard, saw a monarch butterfly and say “Hey, you’re not native to Florida.” Crash.

Laurie: This is the exact replica of the helmet Amelia Earhart wore when she invented airplanes!
Travis: Nuh-uh.
Laurie: When her baby got stolen!
Travis: Nope.

Travis: I was going to wait til your eulogy to say this, but, eh, here it goes… Jules Kiki Cobb, you are a great mom. Rest in Peace!
Jules: I’m so excited to die!

Andy: You should really let people see those paintings you’ve been working on in your room.
Grayson: Quit spying on me.
Andy: Quit being so talented.

And those were just some. Clearly, everyone just needs to watch every episode. Please let this show have a season 4. I’m not one who normally prays for things, but I may for that, just in case.

Written by Melissa Miller (and the find writers of Cougar Town!) Find Melissa on Twitter @serrae

Read more recent articles:
« | »