Below Deck (BRAVO) Review – Just imagine Deena Cortese on Downton Abbey

Guys, Johnny Eyelash was on board. I’ve no idea who he is, but he seems like a handful.  And when he doesn’t get serviced with sausages on time, he really gets annoyed. Plus there’s the dirty bath robes, drunken rants, and lingering cocaine…

BELOW DECK — Season: 1 — Pictured: (l-r) Ben Robinson, Alex Taldykin, Kathleen Held, Adrienne Gang, David Bradberry, C.J. Lebeau, Samantha Orme, Eddie Lucas — (Photo by: Justin Stephens/Bravo)

Despite my early skepticism, Below Deck is one of the more entertaining reality shows that Bravo has offered of the non-Housewife variety.  When it comes to guilty pleasures, put this at the top of your summer pile.

As the group work to serve elite clientele, many of them have party aesthetics that get in the way.

Below Deck Cast

Kat Held – A dumb and ditzy party girl who reminds me of Deena from Jersey Shore. She’s insecure and whiny, which is not a good combination. I really wish she could just pull it together so I wouldn’t have to say these things bout her.

Adrienne Gang – My favorite. She’s got things together, and she’s responsible. “Boo” this Type-A control freak all you want, but she’s who you want in charge of your boat if you want it clean and running smoothly. I respect her, and also find something vary Olivia Wilde – ish about her voice, look and mannerisms. She’s efficient and runs a (sorry for this) tight ship!

Samantha Orme – Easily the most unlikeable cast member after the first episode. Her yachting experience comes from having a wealthy family who owns a yacht. Under-qualified and un-willing to work hard (she “accidentally” takes a nap in the middle of the work morning) she’s nothing but dramatic fodder for the series. She looks like Paige from Pretty Little Liars (Lindsey Shaw.)

The boys are, currently, still just faceless blurs with no personalities.

Aleks Taldykin

Ben Robinson – The chef, with sea urchin hair. He doesn’t believe in having recipes, and he’s awfully cocky.

C.J. Lebeau

David Bradbery – Young and eager to prove himself.

Edie Lucas

Below Deck Review Notes

• Yachties = people who work on yachts
• “Are there any Sausages” – Johnny Eyelash
• “I live in the bottom bunk…that doesn’t mean I’m a bottom.” –Dave
• “Is tomorrow Blackout Day?” – Kat, raging alcoholic by night and ditzy moron by day.
• C.J. gets to cheat on his girlfriend in an open relationship, and we all already saw from spoilers that he does it with his roomie, Samantha. I wish it was with Adrienne. Not that she’s perfect either, she has major insecurities and a need to please. But no one’s perfect. I guess it was first love from the time Samantha shaved his back? (Ew.)
• Captain Lee says no drinking. Ha. Haha. Ahahahah. Good luck.

Below Deck airs Tuesdays on BRAVO.