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In “DIAL M FOR MOTHER” Archer has questions about his real father. This is the season 1 finale for Archer. But don’t worry, FX has already ordered 13 episodes for season two of Archer. Now, onto the Archer Quotes from the season finale!

“You sleept with her, too.”
“Only if I was bored.”

“What is this?”
“You mean, besides incredibly awkward?”

“It’s not you. It’s your weak, womany hands. It’s like being choked by a child.”
“I’ll do steroids!”

“I could never say no to a drummer.”
“You could never say no to anybody!”

“Who the happy hell do you think you are hanging up on me?”

“Who gives a shit about a baby?”

“Kidnappers, super not in the mood for this right now.”

“Lana Kane, you magnificent bastard.”

“Grilled cheese. Grill me a cheese.”
“I’m not grilling you a cheese.”

“Dressed like some sort of cattle rapist.”

“Why doesn’t your voicemail just say ‘leave a message, I’m a jackass’?”

“This is why I can’t have nice things.”
“Why, because you shoot them?”