America’s Next Top Model Recap: The Next Wanda Sykes Eliminated

Models ran wild in Italy for last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model. As the episode started, Kayla was greeted in the house by an image of her, where she somewhat gleefully exclaimed how they’d cropped everyone else out of her picture. This isn’t snobby, since Ann had best picture for most of this competition.

When Chris explained she wanted to get this over with and have someone signed, Kayla told the camera that Chris doesn’t want this, and added that she’s  high fashion. My favorite new insult is to tell someone, “you’re not high fashion!” I tell it to dogs, cats, elderly men – whoever annoys me.

The ladies learned they were going to go on go-see’s. Tyra was there at the IMG Italian HQ’s and went over their portfolio structure. Because spreading photos out on the table is a very, very technical process. Finally, Tyra did offer some wisdom about the order of  the picture position. Two IMG Milan Directors let the models know they had four places to visit, including Versace. You don’t have to be a fashion maven to know that Versace is a big deal. Unlike other cycles where the girls had personal taxi’s, here the girls had to do it themselves, and use public transportation. Oh heeelll, naw! But yes.

Chris and Jane decided to team up and head to Versace. Kayla and Chelsey paired up and went to Versace. And then Ann followed them. It was hard not to feel bad for shy Ann who was left out of the groups. Chris and Jane made it to Versace without problems. The other group? Totally lost. They were more lost than if they’d used Mapquest. But they finally arrived at Versace, frazzled and re-applying makeup like mad women in the lobby area. “Nothing felt like he thought I was super special or anything,” says Chelsey of Versace. And it’s true, the guy said Chelsey was “two seasons ago.”

Although Ann walked like she had never taken a step  in her life, her height prompted the Versace rep to say they’d book her for print AND a runway show. I wouldn’t book Ann to walk in a fundraiser show in my backyard, let alone a high-fashion one.

Jane and Chris only made it to one go-see, and then decided to head back. Ann was lost (she sat by a fountain and we heard sad music, just in case wwe didn’t feel sorry for her), but Chelsey made it to another go-see. By the deadline, Kayla and Ann were late and disqualified.

The clients said Ann must work on her walk, Chelsey was commercial, Chris was smart to ask questions, and Jane was a bit shy. I couldn’t understand what they said about Kayla. But who cares, stupid Chelsey won. And what did she win? A Versace jacket. “You can tell it’s real, it’s not a knockoff,” said Kayla with an expert tone. Ya think?

The models went to a mansion on the water, and they learned Nigel would be their next photographer. The girls became statues who were coming alive by the love of a male model. It seems that as soon as the show learned how uncomfortable Ann and Kayla were with male models, that every photoshoot now uses some.

Jane broke down and cried during her shoot. Jay Manuel told her, “perfection can be boring” which makes me want him to write a book of daily inspirational mantras. Chelsey was then up, and she surprised everyone by doing great. I’m not sure why, but she looked like her hair was made of wet toilet paper. Ann went up to bat, and wowed the judges. Next to the bat was Kayla. She impressed everyone and nailed her poses. Finally, Chris (with a hurt foot) went. The pain in her foot started showing in her face, and Nigel felt Chris had signed out already. Sounds like Nigel and Kayla are both ready for Chris to be eliminated.  To be fair, Chris doesn’t seem to be as serious about this competition as the other girls. Like Liz, she’s up for modeling as long as it doesn’t inconvenience her. But modeling is really a series of inconveniences (unless you’re double-joined and don’t mind constant traveling.)

Kayla: She booked no go-see’s. She had great body language, according to Andre. Tyra called the image stunning. The judges though Kayla had an international look.

Chelsey: She booked one of her go-see’s. Tyra didn’t feel “model” from the photo as much as “beautiful women.” Nigel felt she was very good. The judges like her bone structure and think she’s versatile.

Chris: She booked no go-see’s. Tyra said the close-up makes her look sleepy. The judges see Chris being commercial and bubbly. Andre said she could be the next Wanda Sykes but not a high fashion model.

Ann: Versace Couture would have hired her, but she was late. Nigel said Ann is too quite and doesn’t emote. The judges thought Ann could do Chanel but not commercial work because she doesn’t have a good personality nor is she memorable in-person.

Jane: She booked no go-see’s. Andre said her face was sleeping. She cried again, defending the fact that she has a personality. The judges want Jane to come out of her shell, and she’d need more than a couple weeks.

Tyra gave her speech. One winner, big prize, yadda. Here is the call out order: Kayla (best picture again!), Chelsey, Ann. The bottom two were Chris and Jane. Chris was eliminated. Jane was called because the judges think she has a little bit of passion. But, “just a crack.”