Nick Cannon hosts "America's Got Talent" on NBC

Nick Cannon hosts "America's Got Talent" on NBC

Last week’s live blog of the first group of 12 performances seemed to go over like gangbusters, so I’m back tonight with live blog #2. Starting at 9 pm/8 pm central tune in here for all my praise, criticism and snark as the next group of quarter-finalists compete on “America’s Got Talent” on NBC.

Also, in a couple weeks I have the chance to interview “America’s Got Talent” host Nick Cannon, so if you have any burning questions for him, leave them in the comments.

Check out the full list of Wild Card acts on “America’s Got Talent.”

Alright, here we go with the second group of quarterfinal acts. We are reminded that last week, we sent Acrodunk, Drew Thomas Magic, Grandma Lee, Kevin Skinner and Arcadian Broad through to the semi-finals.

Tonight’s acts are Paradizo Dance, Carol Loo, Eleisha Miller, Tony & Rockin’ Rory, the Texas Tenors, Alizma, Charles DeWayne, Pete Peterkin, Voices of Glory, The Fab 5 and the wild cards are Beale Street Flippers and SQ Entertainment. Wow, this is a REALLY weak group.

Before we see a single performance, my predictions are… jesus, I don’t know. Voices of Glory, Beale Street Flippers, the Fab 5, Alizma and Charles DeWayne.

1. The Fab 5
Our special-underwear-wearing Mormon sisters are here to show off their crazy Irish dancing/clogging. They have a little firefighter theme going on, which is cool. I must say, I saw the outfits and figured they would strip, but they are good little Utahans and they kept their clothes on. Good for them. This wouldn’t sustain a Vegas show (no dance acts would) but they are certainly good enough to advance. They are actually really, really good at what they do. The judges love the way they stepped it up for the quarterfinals. Yes, totally. The Hoff says, “I set my house on fire, will you come and put me out?” He’s such a great pervert.

2. Charles DeWayne
Tonight Charles plays and sings “Just the Two of Us” and man, is this guy marketable. He’s incredibly good-looking, he can sing and he can play the piano. He’s like chocolate sex up on the stage. Where did I put my panties to throw? Sharon doesn’t love his song choice, which elicits quite the chorus of boos from the audience. She says he’ll be back, though. The Hoff is similarly negative, but Piers is convinced Charles could be a major star. Piers can read the dollar signs like I can.

3. Carol Loo
OH MY GOD. Carol Loo descends upon the stage in a metal basket, shaking her moneymaker like a stripper. She reminds me of that tapdancer from last year, that old lady who looked liked the reanimated corpse of Bette Davis, except dressed like a hooker. This is excruciating. I’m with Piers. “BZZZZ.” The judges commend her for her chutzpah at 63. That’s all well and good, but that won’t get those images out of my head.

4. Rockin’ Rory
This is a really cute act but I just don’t know if they should advance. Tonight, there is too much going on. There are kids and a lifeguard theme, it’s weird and not as cute as the first time. Piers buzzes almost right away. Aww, one disc flies off the stage and Rory doesn’t know what to do because he wants to go get it. Awwww. Piers blames the thrower (yes), Sharon loves the dog but says he probably got distracted, and The Hoff rambles about “Rory Watch” or some such nonsense.

5. Eleisha Miller
I really hate this little girl. It’s a friggin’ crime that she is still here and Ciana is not. She’s a terrible singer, her keyboard skills aren’t that great, she’s just an obnoxious, precocious little tween and for some reason the judges love her. Gag me. Tonight she rag-dolls around and shrieks “I Got the Music in Me” and her last note is so awful the backing band has to kick up to cover up for her. Sharon liked the dancing but says the vocals weren’t great. The Hoff loves her energy. Piers says singing is not her thing. That’s one way of putting it.

6. Paradizo Dance
This is the big fat guy with the tiny girlfriend who lifts him. It’s not dance, it’s not acrobatic, it’s just pretty boring. There’s a cheerleading move, there are a few dance things here and there, but mostly it’s just a big fat guy being lifted around by a tiny girl. Boring. The judges call it “incredible” and act like it’s some kind of phenomenon. Bah.

7. Texas Tenors
Oh lord, they’re singing “Proud to be an American.” You know what? I’m a fiercely patriotic person and I am proud to be an American, but this song makes me want to jab a hot poker in my eye. Also, these guys are freakin’ terrible. Their harmonies suck. Badly. The guy singing the high harmony needs to rein it in a bit and let his testicles drop. God, they’re going to get through just because that sang that song. I hate everything. Piers at least calls it “cheesy,” which is better than I thought I’d get out of the judges. Piers also loves the harmonies. ARE YOU DEAF, BRITISH MAN?

8. SQ Entertainment
Our first wild card of tonight is a group I barely remember from the auditions. Must’ve been part of a montage. Their routine tonight is all SWAT-teamy and is okay, but it’s a little slow for my taste. I don’t know that people will remember them come voting time. The judges liked it but don’t heap praise. Yeah, it’s just very middle-of-the-road. The Hoff wanted a better story to be told. Yes.

9. Pete Peterkin
This guy should be on “Saturday Night Live” to be their Obama. He’s not smart or funny enough to write his own political jokes, but the writers on that show could really use him. Then they can stop using whoever it is they use who is practically doing Obama in black-face. Tonight Peterkin again starts off with Obama and it is still a problem that he does a good Obama but can’t write jokes. Sigh. He then does Obama doing Jamie Foxx doing Ray Charles and my brain explodes. The judges don’t love it, but they try to be all nice and rainbows and puppies. Let’s be honest, he just isn’t that good.

10. Alizma
The violin-playing Dahm triplets are up now and it is a trainwreck. First off, their singing is terrible. Secondly, their hooker outfits do not complement the song choice (“Natural Woman”). Finally, the big final shriek note makes all of our ears bleed. Seriously, these girls are very pretty and could’ve gone over like gangbusters if they’d just played a really neat song on their violins. Piers hated the shriek note, Sharon criticizes the stripper moves and The Hoff says it was all over the place.

11. Beale Street Flippers
I’m rooting for these guys, I think they’re excellent. I hope the “making it flashier” that you have to do for the live shows doesn’t take away from their charm and raw talent. You know, I like their music and set but there is too much happening, it’s not letting me enjoy their tumbling. In fact, Piers buzzes them. I don’t know that that was necessary. The judges like them but do encourage them to diversify and expand their act.

12. Voices of Glory
The three big-eyed children whose mother is in a wheelchair are in the Pimp Spot tonight.  I’m really disappointed in them. I really, really wanted them to be awesome, but they weren’t. That was rough. Their harmonies were almost as bad as the Texas Tenors’ harmonies. You know they’ll get through, though. The Hoff praises them, Piers says it was a bit shaky in parts but that they have a star in the little girl, and Sharon praises Nadia (the sister) for really stepping up.

Tune in tomorrow night to find out which 5 acts will advance to the next round!

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