"America's Got Talent" judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff

"America's Got Talent" judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff

Tune in here at 9 pm/8 pm central for a live blog of tonight’s “America’s Got Talent” results show on NBC. Did your favorites make the cut after last night? I’m rooting for The Fab 5, Charles DeWayne and the Beale Street Flippers. I really could take or leave the other nine acts. Videos of two semi-finalists Paradizo Dance and Voices of Glory are at the end of the piece.

Weirdly, we haven’t been told who the guests are this week. Don’t tell me we have to sit through an hour of this drivel without Mariah Carey to make fun of or Terry Fator to entertain us. That’s just mean.

No sooner do I type that then we find out it’s Penn & Teller and LMFAO are there. I love Penn & Teller. I do not know who LMFAO are. Does that stand for “laughing my [bleeping] ass off?” Like IM-speak?

After a pointless video recap of last night’s performances, we get right to some results. I do likeĀ  it that this show jumps right in with results. The first two groups to step forward are The Fab 5 and the Beale Street Flippers. Awww, I guess Beale Street is going home. Yep, then they do. That’s a shame. I love the Fab 5, but Beale Street did well too and I wanted to see them get a chance at another routine.

We now have LMFAO, whatever that is. I guess I’m showing how unhip I am or something. It’s a shame the judges aren’t allowed to BZZZZZ the guest-stars.

We have to check in with the totally impromptu Orville Lounge from last night. We see the Fab 5 cheersing with other contestants. I hope those drinks are alcohol- and caffeine-free, Mormon ladies.

We’re back to some more results now. Eleisha Miller, Carol Loo and Voices of Glory. Well, we all know who is advancing here, right? It’s gotta be VoG. Carol Loo is eliminated and Eleisha Miller is already crying. That poor girl, this show should really not include children. And of course Voices of Glory gets through and Eleisha hugs them very exuberantly. Awww, that’s awesome. I love good sportsmanship.

Pete Peterkin and the Texas Tenors are up next. Ugh. I guess I’m glad not to have to see Peterkin again, but I friggin’ hate the Texas Tenors. They just aren’t strong enough and everybody acts like they’re something special. The Texas Tenors advance. Or the Blonde Guy with the Teeth advances and the other two get to come too. Ugh, he reminds me of the neighbor from “Married with Children.”

Penn & Teller time! I love them. Tonight they saw a woman in half, except they do the fake version, then reveal the trick, then “accidentally” actually saw her in half and there’s blood and guts and it’s pretty awesome.

SQ Entertainment, Paradizo Dance and Alizma are next. Well, I guess out of these three I’m rooting for SQ Entertainment. I just really don’t need to see the tiny woman haul around the big fat dude or the stripping hooker triplets anymore. The first act eliminated is Alizma. Thank god. The act that advances is… Paradizo Dance. Gross.

The final two tonight comes down to Charles DeWayne and Rockin’ Rory. Wow, that’s tough. How do you say no to a cute dog? Also, I’m surprised Charles DeWayne finished 5th/6th in the voting. I thought he was Top 4 for sure. Sharon defers to The Hoff because she needs more time. The Hoff votes for Tony and Rory. Piers votes for Charles, saying it would be a scandal if he didn’t advance. Sharon then votes for Tony & Rory. WOW. WOW. Sharon, how could you?

America’s Got Talent at SirLinks