"America's Got Talent" judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff

"America's Got Talent" judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff

Tune in here tonight at 9 pm/8 pm central for my “America’s Got Talent” live blog. I’ll be posting as the show happens, giving you my thoughts on the first round of the quarterfinals. The Top 40 have been split into 4 groups of 10 and the first group performs tonight with the top 5 advancing tomorrow night during the live results show. Also, don’t forget Terry Fator is performing tomorrow night. See the full list of the Top 40 performers here and join me tonight as we watch “America’s Got Talent” on NBC.

Here we go gang, the first group of 10 semi-finalists on “America’s Got Talent.” Except no, it’s not! Simon Cowell called and made the judges reconsider some of the acts and now there are 8 Wild Cards. So instead of 10 acts, we have twelve because 2 acts have been added to each quarterfinal group. The Top 5 move on to the next round.

Tonight’s acts are The Diva League, the Lake Houston Dance troupe, Thia Megia, the Platt Brothers, Arcadian Broad, Acrodunk, Grandma Lee, Mosaic, Breaksk8, Drew Thomas Magic, Manuela Horn, and Kevin Skinner. The Diva League and Lake Houston Dance are the Wild Cards.

1. Breaksk8
Our first act is Breaksk8. They have a set and extra dancers and all these lights and the song is “Smooth Criminal.” I’m just not impressed. It’s… too slow. There are a couple neat tricks here and there, particularly by the soloists, and it starts to get better when they dance in a tight-knit group on one side of the stage, but by that point they’d kind of lost me already.

Nick Cannon says it was a “tribute to the King of Pop.” OH MY GOD! Is every use of a Michael Jackson song now going to be called that? Jeeezus. Piers and I are on the same page, he thinks it was way too slow. The Hoff and Sharon are sure Breaksk8 will be back.

2. Thia Megia
14 year-old Thia Megia is up next. Man, I love this girl. If she doesn’t make it on this show, she should hit up “American Idol” in two years. Tonight she sings “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. I don’t love the choice. It is age-appropriate, but I hate this song. Also, there are some off-key notes and her pronunciation can use some work. She sounds like she has marbles in her mouth.

Sharon says that Thia did not disappoint. I don’t know how that is a compliment. Hey, you didn’t suck! The Hoff says she nailed it. Piers doesn’t get to speak because the keyboard-playing cat is on crack tonight. He finally gets to say something and it is, “Brilliant.”

3. Platt Brothers
The no-TV-having acrobat farm boys are up now. They wear their cute little matching jogging suits and dance, then there’s  a wardrobe change into white suits and they lip sync to some kung fu stuff. It’s stupid. I am really disappointed in this. I’m also struck by how much Long-haired Platt looks like Sabertooth from X-men.

The judges really agree with me. It just wasn’t good enough tonight. Piers hates that it was all over the map and unfocused. Sharon and The Hoff agree. It was too much and too scattered.

4. The Diva League
Why are they back? They don’t sing and they don’t dance that well. They are not-that-talented drag queens who are boring the crap out of me. That would make a terrible Vegas show. I wouldn’t pay $.50 to see that crap. Piers is with me, he buzzes them.

Piers says that America does not need a “bunch of lip syncing old drag queens.” YES! Sharon loved it, of course. The Hoff agrees with Sharon. Because they don’t like to be the big bad wolves. These guys suck, BOOOOO. Get the hook!

5. Manuela Horn
This is the yodeling dominatrix. Do we even need to sit through this? She is dressed like Lucille Ball, she has Village People back-up dancers and her singing is absolutely horrible. Awful. Please don’t put her through.

The judges wonder what happened to the funny yodeling dominatrix and say that her performance was a complete trainwreck. Piers doesn’t like that she totally switched it up from what they voted through. He says they voted through Hannibal Lecter and got back Miley Cyrus. Heh heh.

6. Grandma Lee
I actually liked Grandma Lee the first time around. It’s cool that she has the balls to do this, I mean the lady is 75 years old! Tonight she’s a little rough. I like her blind date/cataracts joke, but her delivery and timing is really off. I do actually chuckle out loud at her Piers/Hoff underwear bit.

Piers gets in some nice cracks about The Hoff’s age and then says that he loves Grandma Lee’s stage presence and confidence. He also says she has the art of comic timing, which is debatable. The line of the night is when Sharon says, “Between us girls, who was better?” and Grandma Lee responds, “You were there.” I’d vote her through just for that! That was excellent!

7. Mosaic
I’m retarded over men’s acapella music. Straight No Chaser, The True Men and The Pikers are my faves. Anyway, Mosaic comes out dressed like very chic newsies and sings “Superstition.” Their soloists are excellent, as is their vocal percussionist. I also like the faux-trumpet playing in the background. Overall, very good. I would’ve like to see a Stevie medley, but with only 90 seconds to work with I think they did an excellent job.

The Hoff says it started off light, but it got better and the end was kickin.’ Piers says nearly perfect but that they have a tough act to keep original and interesting. Sharon liked the end with the harmonies better than the beginning with all the vocal percussion, but I actually disagree. I think it was all good.

8. Acrodunk
These guys are much better for performing at the halftime of an NBA or NFL game, not Las Vegas. They are very talented, no doubt, but they just aren’t Vegas. Tonight They have a couple VERY large trampolines on stage, which is cool. I mean, it’s the same stuff from the first time. High-flying and athletic but just not that great for a Vegas act. I do like the guy climbing the brick wall and their big finale move.

The judges and crowd both lose their shit. Sharon says that this showed what they could do for a Vegas act, which I don’t agree with. I don’t know yet if they can sustain a Vegas show. Piers says it was one of the most extraordinary acts he’s ever seen on “America’s Got Talent.” Wow, high praise.

9. Arcadian Broad
The Billy-Elliot-Dickens-character! He’s so cute! I’m very excited about him. Tonight he plays the piano to start off and it’s very good. He then gets up and dances to “Footloose.” OH MY GOD, AWESOME. He is totally channeling his Kevin Bacon, it’s fantastic. He just whips off his tuxedo all, “I GOTTA DANCE!” So great.

The judges and crowd go absolutely bonkers, as they should. Piers does get on him for playing the piano, which is dumb. He’s not a piano player, Piers. It was part of the theme. Have you not seen “Footloose,” Britain? Sharon says she loves him, she liked seeing his other dimension.

10. Drew Thomas Magic
Tonight’s act is apparently fraught with danger. Ooooooh. It involves a big box that they put all three pretty assistants into and spraypaint “Ship to The Hoff” on the outside. They then chain it shut while some heavy metal music plays. It all takes way too long. Meanwhile, a crate is lifted off the ground on stage right. Is that where the women are? I wonder. HOWEVER… then at the end, the crate off the ground is empty, the three warehouse workers are the three women and the three male warehouse workers are inside the box and Drew Thomas is back behind the jduges. I did not see that coming. Well done.

The judges are suitably impressed. Piers is quite surprised to not be able to tell how he does it. His advice is to spruce up his look, though. Yeah, that’s fair. Sharon says fantastic but agrees with Piers. The Hoff says the only criticism is that he turned the girls into guys. Hahaha.

11. Kevin Skinner
I’m surprised Kevin Skinner isn’t in the pimp spot, since he’s one of the Susan Boyles. Tonight he does “To Make You Feel My Love” and he’s gotten quite the makeover. Honestly, between the fact that his song isn’t as emotional as “If Tomorrow Never Comes” and his makeover, this is not that great of an act. He took away his sympathy factor and now is a very mediocre singer/guitar player. He’s getting drowned out by the accompaniment, too. I’m not impressed.

Sharon calls him honest and special, whatever that means. She also likes his makeover. He does look really cute, but it’s just not the same as his burlap pullover and ballcap. The Hoff makes fun of his accent a bit and then cites his passion, heart and believability. Piers also has nothing but good things to say. I get that the judges would be villified if they critcized him, but I just didn’t think it was that good.

12. Lake Houston Dance
I can’t believe these little munchkins got the pimp spot. I also can’t believe they got brought back. Blech. There are too many of them and they all aren’t that good. I mean, 28 little girl dancers is too many. Take the best 14 and you MIGHT have a good act. They still aren’t Las Vegas appropriate. Get them out of here. In their “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” routine tonight, there are CLEARLY a group of dancers who are better than the others. I want to see just them. Also, the ending pillow fight move is weak.

The Hoff says he’s glad they got rid of the stupid wigs. Yes. Piers liked the pillow fight (sigh) but says it wasn’t as good as the audition. He thought it was too busy and a bit of a mess. Sharon loved the song choice, but says there are too many of them. YES.

If you want to vote, the numbers are 1-866-60-248-(the number). If I had my choice, the 5 who would advance from tonight would be Thia Megia, Mosaic, Arcadian Broad, Drew Thomas and either Kevin Skinner or Acrodunk. I can’t decide. Acrodunk is probably more Vegas-friendly than Kevin Skinner. I’d love to see Grandma Lee advance just for the excellent quip she got in tonight, but she just isn’t good enough.

Oh and… why did we bring back the Wild Cards? They were left out for a reason. The Diva League and Lake Houston were both sub-par. Also, Manuela Horn should never have made it through. Ugh.